Sunday, February 15, 2009

It's not goodbye... It's hello?

I just got off the phone with my aunt. I haven't talked to her in awhile but had been thinking about her.... So we talked about everything under the sun, and it really warmed my heart in a melancholy sort of way. She told me that one of grandpa's neighbors in Willis (Tommy) told her that the week grandpa died, grandpa had visited him. He told Tommy that he was so tired that he could barely get out of the car and make it into the kitchen. This is unlike Grandpa because he was always very spry. It just indicates that he had been struggling with heart blockages for the better part of the summer; many stressful things happened, and he trudged on. Tommy told Grandpa that he should go to the doctor because he had two heart attacks and recognized that Grandpa was probably having a heart problem. Grandpa said that everyone has to go somehow...

As hard as it was for Grandpa to have died so suddenly, I am glad. I'm thankful that he did not recover only to be confined to a nursing home. He was not a man who could tolerate that after such an active life in the open outdoors. I think Grandpa knew his time was coming soon, and he had enough warning signs to get help. But it was his way of making sure he was able to live his life as the man he was until the end. He hoed to the end of his row, then passed away.

Since he died, I haven't been to the rescue squad at all. And I think it is partly because of this (other reasons: because it is very inconvenient being an hour away now and I don't have that kind of time). I don't know how I feel about trying to save people when it could be their time to go. I know that if it's their time, they will die no matter what. But I hate thinking about saving people just so they can be ill or less themselves for the rest of their lives. I understand that rescue squad is good, etc - but I don't think I can deal with it right now. So I have chosen to resign. It's a tough decision because I have invested lots of time into my training and certifications. And it was a big part of my life for a few years. I loved the adrenaline rushes and the thrill of helping people. But for my wellbeing right now, I do not think it fits into my agenda. I'm at peace with resigning and am so blessed to have a loving aunt who lead me to this peace without knowing it!

I do want to find some other way to serve my local community, soon. Any ideas??

No comments:

Post a Comment